This is a lazy saturday. Last night i went to Ada´s place with Tania to have a good martini evening. Ada is taking medication so she couldn´t drink. She brewed the heavenly vodka thingies for us while she heard us ranting. I don´t know why but by 1 am Tania and i were falling asleep. I think we are becoming old or maybe we had a stressed week. Kenzo, one of Ada´s little darling cats (i say little darling cos i love the bugger, not because he´s tiny, he is, in fact, a rather large feline) curled himself on the kitchen table and let me stroke him lovingly.
I rediscovered the joy of wearing tennis. I have been walking on converse for years, but a few hours ago, when Ada gave me a pair of Spalding footwear she doesn´t need, i felt like i was stepping on a cloud. I even kicked my converse across the hall startling the other little darling cat of Ada: the sweet Muna.
A week ago i wasn´t here. I went to Querétaro to visit a good friend who was admitted into a mental institution. She is recovering from a huge crisis that dragged her down below the very low last year, in October, that´s when i saw her last. She was pregnant at the time so she couldn´t take the proper medication. Her baby, another beautiful little darling i saw for the first time outside the clinic, greeted me with his stunning steel blue eyes. I had never in my entire life seen eyes like that. What followed was quite a shock for me: we met my friend on a terrace, and i watched her change her son´s diaper with infinite patience, seemingly inmune to the foul smell, then she played with him while the baby giggled and gurgled and made all his charming noises. My friend: the carefree, huge-hearted, promiscuous and independent heiress, suddenly became a mom before my eyes. And she was loving every second of it. We hardly spoke to her about what happened, she told us about the rules she has to live by inside the institution, how she felt, how she is feeling now. I found her frail still, terribly hesitant about everything. She is staying there for another month and a half. Maybe i will go to see her again before she is released.
So the trip confronted me in the maternity aspect. While i held my friend´s baby in my arms i found myself incredibly unconfortable and stiff. All i wanted was for someone to take away the boy from me, i was afraid i would drop him, disabling him forever. And i was holding his chubby body against mine when he sensed his mother come near. I heard -and felt- his shriek of joy when he laid those gorgeous universe-like eyes on her.
I have never been really patient with small children -or any child whichever age they are, i only pretend i am being patient. I think maternity is not for me, this trip put me down to think seriously about the matter. I´m not confortable around kids either, i don´t know how to talk to them, how to treat them. They confuse me with their emotional natures, their inmense vulnerability and deepness. And i was one of them -still are, in many levels-.
On the lighter side of life i returned to indoor rowind lessons. I want to have a fit body, want to be stronger and hell yes, hotter. I have been getting up at 5:40 am to get to the 6:30 lesson. My sister and i go and i swear to God it seems i cry sweat. It´s so intense, and fun, and everything hurts the next day. I love it.
Have a nice weekend you all,
P.d. Happy birthday Paul, God knows i thank you for your music. It speaks to me.